How to Have a Healthy Marriage While Parenting
By Morgan and Jeff McFarlin
Mom’s Perspective
As a Mom, I can say that kids take a lot of our time and energy and can be very hard for us sometimes. Of course, it is such a joy to be with your kids and being able to do what you need to do for them, but you can't forget the person that helped you create those beautiful little humans. One thing that helped me was to make sure that my spouse felt and became first in our marriage before my kids, and this concept can be hard for a lot of Moms.
We have friends that have a hard time understanding this concept, and they feel drained and exhausted, and looking from the outside I feel like they haven't had a conversation with their spouse in a long time. Of course, that are seasons that we feel the same way, but we are very aware of it, trying our best to not let that go too long.
Dad's Perspective
Our kids understand that Dad loves Mom very much and puts her first. Whenever they are acting bad and driving Morgan up the wall, I come to them and I'm like: "- I love your mom so much, and you are making her feel this way". They also understand that she's my first love. People always say that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, but then our kids and life happen, and it is important that we have a healthy marriage that can make it through all of that. There were times that my kids were just being bad and I said:' - Look, guys, I love your mom so much and you're not going to talk to my wife that way, she's mine and I love her."
When you say those things you're disciplining your children and loving your wife. Because when you're gone, you want your wife to be whole and healthy just like you want your children to be, and if they're chaos, they're draining.
Kids and Time
Make time and make room for your spouse and love them, prefer to be unified in front of your children. A lot of people think that because of kids their lives as a couple is over, and they think that they can't do things just because they have kids. A way to have a healthy marriage while parenting is to leave your children with friends or close family as a way to make time for one another to go on a date, for example. Build that relationship even after you have children; a relationship has continued maintenance just like a house or anything else of value. Things naturally degrade and is your marriage is the same way. You have to maintain that.
A very critical element is getting a babysitter. Leaving your children can be great so that you can focus on each other. It's a great act of love, value, and attention that says: " Hey baby, I got my parents to watch the kids tonight, I want to take you for a really nice dinner."
The first time we left Luke, he was 3 months old. We are a part of a Ministry out of DC and it was awesome that I got to be a part of something that my husband loves and is passionate about, as his wife I got to go and be with him, and now since I did that, we do it all the time. Many times as husband and wife as Dad and Mom you feel like you're kind of being pulled in different directions and you have different callings. My calling doesn't line up with his but we're married, and I feel that by letting my kids go with our family and our friends I was able to collaborate with some of the Ministries that he has and got to be a part of it. For me that is very special, it means the world to me to know that he would say that he wants me there. He wants me to be a part of what he is doing. We're better together and sometimes husbands like their wives to be part of what they have going on, sometimes they don't ask, but I can tell you for us: We enjoy doing things together! We're more powerful together, we add things to the mix that the one, alone, wouldn't add. That's another reason why it's so important to take time for you two: reconnecting.
I still feel like we're teenagers because we got married very young. I was 19 when we got engaged so for me, I still feel like I'm 19 years old. I can remember when we first got together and all the butterflies. For us, being just us two brings us back to those moments. You don't have to shut your life off because you have children, you can still do these things and go on dates. Take some time, fix your hair, get out there and have a good time. Don't be afraid to take some time for yourselves, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. Plan something, get somebody to watch your kids so that you can go and have a good night out and have a healthy marriage while parenting. It'll be the best life. Just do it.
