Cancel Culture or Kingdom Culture
Diane Arnold
What is happening right now?
Our latest social trend is to cut someone out or remove them from your life. Cancel Culture tells us we must pay for our mistakes. It does not matter if you intentionally made that mistake. It really does not mean anything if you have already asked for forgiveness.
Bottom line- You made a mistake - You are marked as not forgiven and cancelled. You are targeted for judgement no matter how long ago you messed up.
Dr. Seuss is among one of the more famous figures to find themselves trending and then declared, ‘over’. Some of his children’s books among the multitudes of celebrity ‘casualties’ of Cancel Culture 2021.
I know how confusing it can be. In fact, I have been (mildly) cancelled myself lately. Once due to a misread on a social media post and another time by a friend. I want to make it clear, on a couple of things. As far as the social media is concerned, someone decided, did not ask for clarification and - bam – shut the information down. Worse yet, the post was about helping heal family and was clearly misunderstood.
My friend had a right to be angry at me. I overstepped my boundary and apologized. But the big question is—what is too far? What is so harmful and unforgiveable that makes it essential to cut a person out of your life?
Here is what I understand people are desiring by canceling something or someone. Wounded or offended people are trying to set new boundaries around some thoughts or behaviors that do not work for them. Or more importantly, actions that they believe has them.
Cancel culture is based on the belief that you are no better than your worst moment no matter when it happened. This year Chris Harrison, the longtime host of ABC’s “The Bachelor” franchise decided to “step aside” after defending a contestant. What happened were the release of pictures of her attending an Old South antebellum party. Of course, we cannot excuse purposeful hateful or harmful behavior. But does the punishment fit the crime? I know I would not want to be judged for all my life actions or behaviors.
So, what is cancel culture? Media has provided us with the following definition:
“A highly punitive approach to disagreement or perceived transgressions, based on strict fidelity to ideology (usually progressive) that elevates performative outrage over dialogue, factual inquiry, or respect for values such as free speech or fair process. It rejects the value of ideological diversity. It is often exercised by powerful corporations, editors, academic administrators, or unaccountable attackers operating through anonymous social media platforms. It rejects the distinction between offense and harm, between disagreement and discrimination, and between words and actions.”
How do these new culture rules or boundaries work? We understand that healthy boundaries in our relationships allows us to set rules or limits on other people’s behavior or words. Their main job is to establish reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave. In addition, boundaries establish guidelines on how to respond when someone steps outside those limits (Cloud and Townsend).
The easiest way to think about a boundary is a property line. We have all seen “No Trespassing” signs, which send a clear warning message that if you violate that boundary, there will be some consequences. Some authors tell us, good boundaries will eliminate toxic people from your life.
As a professional counselor, I have often talked with people about how to create, maintain, and understand these lines in their lives. Please understand it is especially important if anyone is physically harming you, they must be stopped immediately. But for all the other offenses, when do we decide it is important to eliminate people from our lives? When do we cancel them because they are deadly? What is the line here?
More importantly, is it possible we cancel because we do not know what to do? We do not want to deal with the difficult situation. Or worse yet, we are unsure of how to navigate the uncomfortable process of repair and restoration?
I think good boundaries are necessary for all people. In fact, clear boundaries are important in any relationship. Cloud and Townsend who are boundary experts tell us the top reasons for these lines include:
• To practice self-care and self-respect.
• To communicate your needs in a relationship.
• To make time and space for positive interactions.
• To set limits in a relationship in a way that are healthy.
Let us not miss the most important train of thought in this definition.
Good boundaries provide us a way to communicate our needs in a relationship. The idea is to figure out how to change and hopefully improve the interaction with the person to make the relationship better.
Where have we heard this before? As people of love, faith-based believers, and even social justice seekers; making others feel important and accepted is our main goal.
We believe our relationships are always worth restoring. God has given humans the tools and talent to be able to relationship repair experts. For this very reason, a significant amount of the New Testament is devoted to teaching us how to get along with one another in fellowship.
If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if His love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care — then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Philippians 2:1-2
Relationships are complicated—they are messy, difficult, and they often take a lot of work. Sometimes they go poorly, and people hurt us. And sometimes we hurt them. It is true, hurt people can hurt people. Fortunately, God knew this, and so He gave us practical wisdom and Godly counsel.
Steps to restoring rather than cancelling will take some humility on our part. It is easier to quit or not try. However, quitting is dangerous to your physical and emotional wellbeing. Perhaps the most shocking statistics around withdrawal and loneliness involve the physical effects that it has on the body. Vivek Murthy, the former US surgeon general, has written that social isolation “has the same physical effects on us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And here is a real tough one. Isolation can lead to chronic loneliness which increases our odds of an early death by 26%.
You may ask – how can we have unity in a season of such divisiveness? Many of us call for unity without an acknowledgement of where unity resides. Unity only comes from the Lord and our willingness to follow his plan.
And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all. Ephesians 1:22-23
Unity created by man is no better than lawlessness. Why? It does not carry the same power as the spirit. If we are going to overcome the evil of this time, we cannot do it with words alone. Our actions must transform hearts that are full of bitterness and pain. What do we forfeit when we cancel vs restore? We lose our generational blessing and the power of connection.
But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7
Most importantly, all the good news of the gospel rests on all of our need for restoration. The bible commands us to honor others, to live in peace when possible. The instructions are quite clear.
Some of us might say, this is not our problem. We may feel we are not part of the withdrawing culture. We need to challenge each other - we need to be part of the solution. How does Kingdom Culture show us how to treat and respond to other people?
Here are a couple of actions we can work on to repair relationships:
1. It is important to Be the First not the Last. When we accuse others unfairly or criticize, belittle, and make fun of them; the relationship suffers. We tell ourselves it is nothing, or it was just innocent play. But, over time a tiny sore can become a gaping wound. What starts as a tense or strained relationship begins to fracture or becomes openly hostile if the hurt is not addressed.
Jesus said, “If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.” Matthew 5:23-24
2. It is always necessary to confess and apologize for your part of the problem. What does this look like? We need to remember that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. I think many people confuse these restoration steps. As a result, we barrel forward, slap on a smile and say, “I’m fine” … a lot. However, the reality is, we are not fine. It might look okay on the surface, but underneath we are struggling. In fact, it takes two people to reconcile a relationship fully. Hard conversations, hurt feelings and broken trust are all the messy makeover part. However, little-by-little two willing hearts can restore the relationship.
Jesus said, “First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” Matthew 7:5
Forgiveness does not bring instant healing or a warm fuzzy feeling. It also does not mean you tolerate or excuse wrong behavior. Unfortunately, reconciliation is not always possible. However, we must do everything we can to restore our relationships. A godly appeal means coming in the right tone, timing, and spirit, in a way that shows love and concern for the other person—even if they are an enemy. It involves humility and being willing to affirm the person, even while telling them how their actions or words were hurtful or wrong.
When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, I was as stupid as an animal. Psalm 73:21-22
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9
We should all be thankful we serve a Heavenly Father who has chosen reconciliation above judgement. His standard is not easy, but it is the only thing that helps us rise above our own afflictions of hate and division.
